Saturday, September 24, 2011


I have been in a strange funk lately and I haven't been able to put my finger on it. I thought maybe it was our farm struggles, adjusting to adulthood, having new job after new job, or that maybe I needed a Bible study. Nope. While watching Western perform tonight I realized it.
I MISS MUSIC. I NEED MUSIC. Its not that its my oxygen or an idol I worship. It is that it completes me, makes my over active and under used creative side run wild, it is my worship. It is where I feel closest to myself and others and God
Today, I saw my elementary music teacher who I had for 3-5 grade. And she remembered me! Over fifteen years and she remembered me. Why? Because music has always been so strong in me that that is how people remember me. Courtney=music.
And now I am musically starved. I have music for no more than five hours a week.... That may seem like a lot but in college it was all around me. I was submerged in riley's "In C", Kodaly techniques, and strange vocalises. I was accepted to a research conference for music. I was submerged in its depths.
There is little depth to this soul quenching experience now. I feel that since I have subcomb to musical starvation that I am losing touch with myself and forgetting how to worship. Central UMC's choir taught me the beauty of worship within the classics and how hard practie and Focus on musicality was a way to pleSe God. Where is my music?
I must find an outlet....

Monday, September 5, 2011

"and please help me not get anymore bad behavior marks..."

My job is incredible! Not only do I get to hang out with kids but I get to show them how to praise God! And the awesome thing I learn from them everyday, about how simple prayers can be and how nothing is too trivial or wrong to reveal in a prayer(the title of this blog came from a 4th grader's prayer). This experience is too awesome for words. I have met some amazing people who's inner light shines so much you can't help but feel good being around them. It's made me change... Made me reconsider people, life plans, and all those little things I used to get so stressed out about... I am the true me
The real reason I want this new job is because I want to sponsor a child. I got a picture of one at the youth rally and he has been on my mind ever since... I really hope good news comes this week.
I can't wait till we get to have baby goats:). I like bottke feeding them :).

Sunday, August 28, 2011

The year 23

I never wanted to be 23.... And I'm 23. It has been an interesting year already...
So I have this new job... I'm a children's director at a church. I honestly didn't want the job when I applied. In fact, I fought God about it for three months until the previos director told me to apply... And even then I applied for the youth position instead. I think this made God laugh a little because He was going to make me the children's minister anyway. That being said my summer was a roller coaster ride. It's been weird seeing all my younger friends take big time music jobs and kids my age going to grad school at both USC's and Northwestern. My best friend from high school is getting married and my college one moved to New York... and I'm still in the same town I went to college in working a part time job. So to be honest I have to remind myself that this is the right job... and this past week as shown it! I just got to get over this awkward year of life.
Farming is hard. Our ducks ran away and I am surprisingly sad. We lost 17 chickens this year and almost lost a goat. Our watermelon hasn't produced. Farming us hard... And I am sad we can't grow beets :(